Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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