I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
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