I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
