the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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