if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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