Tell her she can't have a vagina
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
