life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
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