Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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