You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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