I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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