Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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