I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize