he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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