So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
