I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
