God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
