I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
