Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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