He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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