like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
