Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
