why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
