Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
