Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
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