I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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