its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
