They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
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