I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Hippo gnu deer
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Randomize
