When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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