i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
