it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
