He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
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