Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
He passed out mid-signature
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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