he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
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