I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
