What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
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