i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
