just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Randomize
