that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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