Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
