you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
