Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
