Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
