so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
