So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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