I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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