She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I will pee on everything he values.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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