happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Let's paint friendship bongs
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
