You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
