so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
then he tried to convert me to islam
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
