dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
