I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
